Release Date: Friday, October 13, 2006

Don't spend now on what's not for sale

From a reader:

I am living with my love of the past few years. There is a significant age difference between us, which bothered both of us. My sweetie is OK with it now. I am working on the question of why could we not be closer in age and have more time together.

Remember the story of Chicken Little? When an acorn fell on her head, she panicked and spread the word that the sky was falling. She fretted so about what might happen that she lost her awareness of the present — and almost got gobbled up by Foxy Woxy!

We can laugh at a crazed little chicken, yet be oblivious to our own preoccupation with what we anticipate … and sometimes it's right up there with the sky falling. We can also be preoccupied with the past, although we cannot relive a single moment of it.

The only moment we can live is this one. Still, we often find ourselves spending this one for another one.

Even without an age difference, you may worry about health and retirement and dying … and miss out on health and retirement and living.

And money — in any amount — can be a major distraction. You can rehearse the should-haves. You can worry what will happen if you live to be 100 and social security goes broke and your kids write you off. You can be distracted by how to spend or save or get more, and forego the good you could do with what you have.

Even excited anticipation of your next vacation or football game can distract you from what happens (or could happen) between now and "game day." It's analogous of going to the window every few minutes when you expect a visitor — you're too preoccupied to focus on the task or the joy in front of you.

Then there are those looming questions that sap the brightness of the moment: What if the weather turns bad? What will Suzie think when she finds out he finally proposed, without an engagement ring? And what if Little Johnny doesn't get a full scholarship?

You can't choose anybody else's actions or spare anybody the consequences of their actions any more than you can spare yourself the consequences of your actions … and postponing the consequences is likely to postpone the lesson.

You can choose your actions and learn from the consequences to get different results. You can do that right now.

If you do, you won't be lamenting the past or worrying about the future. And you can give your attention to what is.

You will still be aware of your finances, your health, your age, but you won't be distracted by them. They won't define you. Your actions will.

If being with a younger woman doesn't feel like “you,” you will decide on another course of action. If it does feel like you, you will realize that 10 years ago you weren't ready for what you have with her. And you will reap the rewards of attracting her now.

You will learn from the consequences of your actions, OR you will revel in them. Either way, you win.

You will not worry about the sky falling next week or next month or next year. You will recognize that right now the sky is a gorgeous, well-hung blue … and you can choose to enjoy it, now.

You cannot choose to enjoy it yesterday. And you cannot really choose to enjoy it tomorrow until tomorrow. This holds true at any age.