Don't let partner hold you back

The annual assessment of where you are and where you want to be can spotlight differences between you and your partner, but you don't have to let those differences lure you off track. Thriving couples (Bill and Hillary, Brad and Angie) don't; they trust each other.

"It's tough to maintain your enthusiasm when your partner doesn't share it," is a common complaint. Or is it an excuse? Lust is the real temptress, but a partner might seal the deal, "Come on, you can start that next week when you have more time."

Ask your sweetheart — before you've taken off your sneakers and mentally curled up in front of the fireplace — to help you keep your priorities; and promise to help your sweetheart keep his (or hers). This is what partners do — they trust and strengthen each other!

Imagine the consequences of letting your hopes fade; and then imagine the consequences of realizing your dream. Which life do you really want to live ... and share with your sweetheart?

You can always find a reason to postpone what you want, but the best time to work toward it is now. So, when you can't quite manage a full step in the right direction, settle for a partial one.

The toughest part is making time and getting started. Try telling yourself that you can spend 30 minutes — instead of 60 — biking or studying or meditating. Once you get into the flow, you might not stop until you have to go to the bathroom.

Just do what works for you, without a lengthy discussion or a string of hype. It might take as long to talk about doing what you want to do as it does to outline six reasons for doing it, or find six reasons for doing it later.

Don't push your partner away, or pull him to join you. If you can achieve that, you'll find he's more accepting of the differences. No need for either of you to feel guilty or resentful; that's wasted energy that stems from doubting who you are and what you have together.

Listen to your own music, and learn to dance to it; that's the only way to realize self-esteem and be the person — and partner — you want to be. And trust that the music your sweetheart hears, however different, is his path to self-esteem and meaning. If you don't think he's tuned in, help him find his own music.

It's OK if you prioritize planting a garden, exercising and feeding the homeless differently. Listen to your sweetheart's perspective, and try to understand in order to better know and love him. Assuming that yours is the only viable perspective is a shortcut to alienating him (and everybody else).

Remember when you first met? You asked questions and listened, because you were interested. If you stop being interested, you wake up one day to somebody you don't know anymore.

Don't replace your music with his, though. "Trust yourself, then you will know how to live," said Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe.

Just don't get so consumed with your passion that you neglect to share it with your partner. Continue to find common ground. Try on each other's interests, without worrying about how well they'll fit — that can sabotage the experience. Simply trying on what he enjoys grows intimacy.

So, stay focused, but don't exclude your partner. You might be surprised by his support, even if he doesn't share your enthusiasm for the environment or literature.

Get your differences out in the open. They don't have to make one of you wrong! They add layers of interest to your relationship and help to balance your life together.

Trust yourself, your music, the life force that calls you, that is you. And trust your partner! You can give each other a safe place to dance!