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Thoughts from Jan's Journal
Jan's thoughts are in chronological order, with the most recent ones at the top of the page. When her thoughts involve her sweetie, he recognizes them; and he tends to respond.
When I let go of my mask, my security blanket, my preparation and plans, I am satiated by love. I am love.
Why use reason to justify that which cannot be explained with reason.
When I quietly trust love, rather than resist what scares me, I don't feel scared anymore ... and what scared me disappears. When I resist, it keeps coming at me ... in order for me to learn that I don't have to be afraid of it.
If you want to impress people with your money, give them an expensive gift. If you want to demonstrate your thoughtfulness, give them something creative. If you want their allegiance, give them an invitation or tickets they couldn't get. If you want to love people, teach them to love themselves.
Success lies in the act — not the result — of being true to yourself.
You have enough wisdom to be precise, making time to both talk AND listen ... not necessarily in that order.
I want to hit the ball over the wall. But unless I learn how to get to first base, that's not gonna happen. I must do what I can ... and, to be content, I must know that that is enough. That is today's homerun.
I do not believe that I must do my part in order for God to do his. I believe that my part manifests God's part ... and that for that manifestation to be my idea of God-like, I must be my idea of God-like. I must be love ... and in being love, I can believe in the infinite results of the unknown, the unproven.
That which would give light must enter the darkness.
When I'm not afraid to fail, I can't.
I don't have to agree to understand.
When I express gratitude for what touches me in a positive way — physically, intellectually, emotionally, or spiritually — I allow it to nurture me. And the more I am nurtured, the less vulnerable I am to anything that could affect me in a "negative" way.
We get complacent when we think that we are only one of millions, and we can't make a difference; but we get inspired when we realize we are one of millions, and that there is strength in numbers.
Everything is okay unless I begin to worry that I'm not.
Whatever I'm doing is preparation for something that pays better ... and, of course, much of what I earn is more important than the money part. I've learned that the hard way!
When we are more enthusiastic about what we can get than what we can give, we don't yet know what we have to give.
It's aw-inspiring to watch as life unfolds, as I unfold, to be both the observed and the observer. And I am beginning to truly recognize the power of intention to direct the picture.
Acknowledging my justification isn't enough. I want to heal what triggers it. And if the surface looks good, then I must dig beneath it — deeper than I got the last time. :)
When I really know what I want, I don't have to wonder what God wants.
I still do what I know to do, but that's the small stuff. To manifest big stuff is to place my faith in the unknown ... and look for results based on that faith, not on my finite actions. My faith transcends what I can see and what I know only when I place it in the unknown, in that which I have no rational action plan to achieve.
It is fine ... not it will be fine, but right here, right now, it IS fine. And so much better than fine.
We are all one, each individual plays a role ... and to some degree the roles might be assigned (with or without merit), so it's how well we play our role (whatever it is) that matters. That's what we can do — play the role WELL — and therein lies peace.
My irritation with somebody else always points to irritation with myself that I've yet to recognize or let go of.
Accepting failure as well as success ... and being able to reframe it may seem spiritual. But it is more "spiritual" to accept uncertainty without labeling it success or failure.
There is no such thing as too much truth or truth that should be kept secret ... but we taint the truth when we share it from ego, rather than love.
The only thing worse than getting a bad evaluation is getting one and not knowing it.
If I want to know how open my heart is, I must look honestly at how many of the people I encounter connect with me.
Sometimes I'm tempted to think that everything will be okay because I've rationalized that even if x-y-z happens, it will be all right. The key is realizing — without reasoning it out — that no matter what happens, it IS all right.
Even in my least favorite review of my new book, my baby, there is truth ... and the sooner I benefit from learning it, the better. Thankfully, there is also truth in my favorite reviews. :)
What I really want to do is not help somebody to meet my needs, but help him to meet his own needs.
We can't grow without getting out of our comfort zone, but we still want to grow.
I can only add one piece at a time to the puzzle ... and when I try to put all the pieces together at the same time, I stand still.
When I start using "I" with emphasis, I am learning to see a little yellow flag — or a big red one. It usually means that my ego is getting in the way. Perhaps I feel slighted by the way somebody's treating me ... maybe I think they should show more respect, or just be more responsible. But, I mustn't personalize their behavior. My true self doesn't. My ego does. And I ask that somebody do the "right" thing, without being offended if they choose not to.
When I do what I know to do, there is nothing left to be afraid of.
We can take a crash course in learning to love well by facing those people we find most irritating ... or we can take the more lengthy course by avoiding those people. Ram Dass says, "If you think you are so enlightened, go spend a week with your parents."
I will be honest with myself when I feel something that is less than loving. And I won't try to justify my negative emotion and, thus, nurture it. I will remind myself, "I am love, everything good, untainted by fear." I cannot say those words, I cannot feel those words...and still hold on to negative emotion. Smile.
Sometimes — when I'm scared and short-sighted — love is tougher than I want to be.
As many times as I think (or am tempted to think) that my tension is caused by somebody else, I realize that I create it myself. And that means it has no power — unless I give it some of mine.
When I am blind to my own fear, I don't see the fear of others. I might see my own fear as righteous indignation; and I might see their fear as anger or indifference. When I recognize that my own negative emotion is rooted in fear, then I recognize that theirs is too. And then we can unite, rather than divide.
When we try to give somebody advice he's not ready for, we're apt to meet with resistance. And when we persist, we might meet with more, rather than less.
I must be careful about thinking that I've moved beyond my insecurity; because if I still have work to do, I won't do it — unless I recognize that it remains to be done. I must refuse to lie to myself...or put myself in a position to ignore the truth, which is the same as lying to myself.
Darkness exists only in the absence of light. And I am a light.
Those closest to me are best positioned to hit my sore spots — or trigger my insecurities. And theirs is the feedback I am most apt to personalize...unless I decide to trust how much they love me. They are on my side!
I only have to use the parts that work for me.
When I feel the least bit disturbed, all I have to do is ask myself if I want to be happy. The answer is yes or no — no ifs, ands, or buts!
In this second, I get to choose — again. And I get to do it with more awareness.
Faith is part of love. But what exactly does love ask us to believe in? Is it God? Is it ourselves, or mankind? Is it simply love? All of the above, oneness of all of the above.
Once I have healed the deep hurts pointed out by my hormones, I can validate AND temper the emotions that accompany my period.
In building the new house, I find myself closing my eyes to know what feels good — whether it's an outdoor shower or a paint color. And it's interesting to note that closing my eyes removes all the clutter. Clutter doesn't feel good.
If I make a habit of taking a walk — whether I need it or not — I am less apt to need it.
I can only suffer if my love does.
The happier I get, the more childlike I get...the more freedom I have to be me, to sing and giggle and run and fall down and get up.
When I feel anxious and get in a hurry, I squander the present moment and compromise the future. It's not worth it.
If I can say what I think in love, there's no reason not to say it. If I can't say it in love, then maybe I can't think it in love either.
The best way for me to help a person is to listen, listen, listen...and then repeat for the person what he has said.
I wasn't waiting for God. God was waiting for me. He is always ready for whatever I want — as soon as I am.
I cannot really be angry with somebody else. I can only be disappointed with my response to somebody else.
Together with you, God, I manifest love. Together with you, God, I am love...everything good, with no fear.
If I believe in my goodness, I must also believe in a source of goodness.
When you can't say something nice to your partner, kiss him.
I don't have to jog one mile or two or three. All I can really commit to is the present — putting one foot in front of the other right now. And when I don't try to commit to more, I can find pleasure in the moment, rather than spoil it with dread.
When I'm not trying to prove something to myself, I stop trying to prove something to others. When I share my story, people know that I know we are the same. I know myself too well to look down on anybody.
Something can feel so right that we jump to the conclusion that it's supposed to last forever. Maybe it's only "supposed" to last for the moment. Life is full of things that feel right — when we don't get stuck.
I only have to help one person to feel good...no, I only have to try to help one person to feel good.
What most irritates me in somebody else is what has disgusted me so much in myself that I have disowned it. When I own it, I can heal it. And I can stop being irritated.
Life is full of gifts when we're not fooled by the packaging.
It is not in my power to spare somebody the consequences of his actions; and to postpone the consequences is likely to postpone the lesson.
Life is way too good to keep it to myself. And it gets even better when I share it. I am not too busy to share ... and I am not too busy to find solitude.
Not enough time means not enough desire.
When I accept what is, I can move beyond it to what is yet to be.
When I quit trying to create something and notice what is, I become one with the creator of all.
I must feel what I am feeling in order to understand it ... but that doesn't mean feeding feelings that I know are ill founded or unhealthy. I must feed what I want to grow.
Fear is behind both his anger and my hurt feelings. Realizing that makes it easier to understand his anger — or frustration or greed or whatever I may allow to hurt my feelings. When I personalize somebody else's negative emotion, when I make it about me, I get my feelings hurt ... and I focus on his fear, rather than my own. And I must look at my own fear (which is behind any negative emotion) in order to invalidate it. There is nothing to fear!
Sweetie's Response: And of course to love myself I cannot only confront my fear, anger, or frustration, but I can learn from it, see my imperfections, my mistakes, and make them right, i.e. grow. And as I love you, I understand you and your imperfections, your fears, and we grow together toward a true and perfect love. So wonderful, so evolving ...
I'm getting married! Oneness has never felt so good!
If I pull the parachute cord before I jump, it doesn't work. I must jump in faith, if I am to reap the rewards of faith.
As we align more closely with love, life can only be experienced as more beautiful.
Being aware of my menstrual cycle doesn't change what I am feeling, but it provides me with a context for what I am feeling. And a context always increases understanding.
With each breath, I get to start again ... with untainted joy.
Life is always unfolding ... and when I let it, it is so much more beautiful than when I try to force the petals.
When we live in love, we live without fear. And when we are not worrying about the future or second guessing the past, we can be fully present now. And life is now. Love is now.
We reap — externally as well as internally — the love we sow. What is on the inside cannot be kept from manifestation on the outside.
I can be as excited about this moment as I am about the next ... if I give it my attention.
As long as I was looking for salvation — salvation of any kind — in a partner, I wasn't ready for a partner.
When I'm feeling tension, I immediately know that I'm struggling to choose love over fear. There is no tension or negative emotion without fear. And there is no fear in love.
I knew that when I loved myself and others the way I wanted to be loved that I would attract somebody to love me that way. Finally.
I have had many angels, or gifts of light, along my path. Some of them have simply been there to remind me that I'm alone but not alone. Others have nurtured me. And still others, seemingly different from me, have helped me to dig deeper and find a perspective or element that was missing from my consciousness.
I can truly commit only to aligning with love, with my essence. And that doesn't necessarily mean staying with a partner ... unless I trust that partner to align with love as much as I trust myself to align with love, unless I find oneness with that partner. I think the princess is finally ready for her prince.
I am learning, still, that it is as much fun to let love guide my kisses as it is to let passion guide them. And that is to say nothing of the sanctity of love.
What I long for is what's in my heart. I will find it and sit with it. I will live it.
When I remove my sexual craving for somebody, I can see the true nature of my love for him and act on it appropriately.
There is great peace in knowing I get to choose. When I want to add something to my plate (i.e., spending time with my mom after a car accident), I can remove something less critical. My peace lies in simply being true to my values.
Life only asks that I be the best I can be. And it offers all the training I need.
Maslow was right ... sex is an over-rated basic physiological need. Making love is an opportunity to express love, though. It is an opportunity to at once fill and be filled with love ... to at once know the ultimate in physical gratification and the ultimate in spiritual gratification.
I will not be overwhelmed by the steps I am not yet ready for. I am ready for this step, the one in front of me ... and it feels good. I will be present for this step. I will delight in this step. And in doing so, I will be prepared for the next one.
There is an irony about all the joy to be found in facing our fears.
I can trust my intuition, but sometimes I don't like what it's telling me ...and I'm hoping it's wrong. I must remember that the truth is my friend.
When I must choose between trusting my own instincts and trusting somebody else's knowledge or honesty, I can choose to trust myself without feeling guilty.
I finally REALLY believe that love makes me enough ... enough to partner with anybody. Because I finally REALLY get what love is.
There is no self-awareness without the heart. We don't really know who we are until we feel who we are.
Love — the only sure thing we have — is, in the context of romantic relationships, a gamble. I don't think it's one we can lose, though ... if we take the risk with the attitude that there is no losing.
The only way for me to get peace is to be who I am. And the only way for me to lose peace is to deviate from who I am.
The best thing I can give somebody is my raw heart. I needn't pretty it up and measure it out. I will simply quiet it ... so that I can distinguish between it and all the noise.
When I see what keeps me from committing to somebody else, I may also see what keeps me from committing to me.
When I think there is something to shy away from in my unconscious, it is because I have shied away from it. When I really look at it, I realize that I can trust what's there to enhance my consciousness.
I will not simply say what I want to say with my words. I will say it with my heart. I will let somebody feel it.
When something in my life doesn't reflect my perfection, it's because I don't.
As soon as I'd said the words, “Hmmm, maybe I should just go for it,” I knew I wanted to. I always want to. But sometimes I forget.
When I come from love, I accept what is. And when I'm not judging what is to be inadequate, I can stay in the present. I am not wishing for what was or what could be. I appreciate what is for what it is ... and I find delight in it.
I was eating vanilla ice cream topped with fresh strawberries and homemade hot fudge the other day. And when I ran out of toppings, I got more. There was a time when I would have measured out the toppings so as not to run out while I was eating my ice cream, thinking that what was in my bowl was all that was available to me. There were plenty of toppings in my kitchen. And there is plenty of whatever I want. My source has an infinite supply.
When I don't know what to say, I need to ask myself what I'm afraid to say.
Even in the heat of passion, I can ask myself this simple question, “Is this somebody I want to have sex with or is this somebody I want to make love with?” And unless the answer is “both,” I can roll off the sofa, or across the floor, or down the stairs ... and breathe deeply.
There is nothing to hide. People already know you're human.
I am amazed that I can still be so surprised by a man!
When I'm no longer afraid of failing to deliver what somebody else wants, I will deliver what I want.
It's so much easier to keep looking for what you want — without contemplating less than you want — when you're not afraid that you want too much.
When we learn a lesson, however painful, we can trust that it prepares us for something more, including a more advanced lesson. It behooves us, then, to find sweetness in the learning ...and maybe somebody we enjoy learning with. There really is something about a kiss that makes it all better.
Harmony comes when I am still. And it comes to every part of my being. There is no dissension, only oneness. I know this, but sometimes I forget. I forget to stay at the edge of the water until it comes.
When I can see somebody else's issue in his or her relationship with me, chances are I have an issue of my own right along side it!
When I make something difficult, it's because I'm not allowing enough time or energy to accomplish it.
My source of joy doesn't change from one day to the next. I continue to feel more joy as I continue to connect with my source. And when I feel less joy, it's because I'm getting attached to something else.
It has taken me this long to really get it — there's nothing I'd rather do on a date than stay home and kiss and have food delivered.
I will enjoy my feelings. I am not afraid of them — however intense. And it's okay if they're not reciprocated. I want them to be based on reality, though. I will ask questions ... and if the questions go unappreciated or unanswered, I will still have the answers I need.
When I'm ready for happily-ever-after, the universe will know it. Until then, I'm going to take great pleasure in what the universe sends my way to help me along. : )
I've identified the fear lying behind tension — whatever form it took — the slightest impatience, aggravation, anger, jealousy, indignation, insecurity. It may seem as though there are many sources of tension, but they all stem from fear. And it may seem as though there are many fears, but they all stem from the fear of no self worth. I'm not afraid anymore ... and I can remind myself of that anytime I start to feel tension.
When what I know to be the “right” decision is difficult to make, if I make it anyway, it gets easier. There's very little chance that I'll want to go back and make the “wrong” decision; but if I do, I still can. It's like saying no to the second piece of chocolate cake, knowing that if I still want it 30 minutes later, I can change my mind and indulge. I find that 30 minutes later, I feel good about my decision ... and I don't really want more cake.
When I consider the possibility that somebody else's perspective is viable — even when it seems impossible to me — I open the door for the impossible.
The more I know myself the tougher it is to know somebody else and think (or pretend) we're compatible when we're not.
Sometimes I'm reluctant to enjoy what's in front of me for fear it is not what I REALLY want. But, perhaps, trying it is the best way to find out.
I'm off — with no expectations and no restrictions, I can fly!
Clutter ... if something's not bringing me pleasure, it's weighing me down. And I can get rid of it.
When I am the person I want to be, I am doing exactly what I want to do.
Life is like a box of chocolates — you never know what you're gonna get (from the movie “Forest Gump”). Even when we've taken great care to label the chocolates, we can be surprised. The good news is — all the chocolates are good for us! When we're following our truth, we always win. There are no bad chocolates!
My day is more worthwhile when I intend to enjoy it than when I intend to fill it. So is my life.
A conscious choice is generally one I would make again.